Why You Should Move to Canada March 3, 2016 · 12 min. read
In case you haven't heard, Super Tuesday was last Tuesday and everybody's most disliked presidential candidate, Donald Trump, did very well. He didn't do as well as predicted, but he did well enough that he is now officially taken the lead for the Republican nomination. While the Republicans struggle to find some way of stopping Mr. Trump, many Americans worry about the future of their country. As a result, many Americans have been thinking about moving to Canada.
While similar statements were made when marijuana and gay marriage was legalized, "How to move to Canada" spiked 1000% on Google after last Super Tuesday. In fact, the Nova Scotia tourism website got more traffic in a single day then it did all last year and the Canadian immigration website was having difficulties handling all the traffic, so it seems that a lot of people are wondering if they should move to Canada.
As a Canadian I feel it is my duty to highlight some of the reasons why somebody – particularly an American – should consider moving to Canada.
1. You'll be An Instant Millionaire
The last few years have some pretty wild swings between the American and Canadian dollar, and right now the Canadian dollar is much lower than the American dollar. If you bring $1,000 American dollars over the border with you when you come to Canada, you'll have just about a million Canadian dollars! It's like a cheat code for your wallet. Imagine this; you've been working overtime shifts for the past thirty years to pay your bills, when you could have just moved across the border and retired!
2. We Have a Large American Community
I know it can be scary traveling to a new country and sometimes the culture shock can be hard for people to take in. Thankfully, Americans have been coming to Canada for centuries. These Americans range from freed African slaves during the 19th Century to smugglers looking for alcohol during Prohibition, able-bodied men during the Vietnam Draft and veterans refusing to participate in the 2003 invasion of Iraq. The past two centuries of Americans coming to Canada have formed a very large community, so there are several programs available to help integrate into society.
3. You Already Come Here for Healthcare
Healthcare in America is expensive. Healthcare in Canada is not. It's much cheaper to get a passport, buy a plane ticket to Canada, rent a hotel, undergo an operation, go to a movie, snack on a poutine, ride a moose and then fly home than it is to sit in the waiting room in America. This is not an exaggeration. Many Americans already come over to our country for healthcare on a daily basis, so why not just stay and make it much easier for you?
4. There's Way More Space
Canada is at least 17 times bigger than America, and we only have 10% of your population. That means you can have about 170 times more space to yourself than you can back home. Tired of living in a cramped trailer homer? Come buy a farm! Tired of sharing a backyard with snoopy Mr. Feeny or Earl Hindman? Come get a backyard so big that you can't even see the other side!
Ninety percent of Canadians live near the US border, so if you want a little more isolation just drive up north and you'll have all the space you need! Most don't know this, but the northern half of Canada, which is thirty times bigger than England, has just over 100,000 people. Talk about wide open spaces!
5. Nobody Shoots Anybody
Unlike in America, it's really hard to get a gun in Canada. To get a gun you have to undergo rigorous training, you have to meet with several levels of bureaucratic government and then you have to sign a waiver that makes you promise you won't shoot anything with it. Signing that waiver is the worse part about getting a gun. The moral responsibility one has to put into signing that paper is so severe that most Canadian don't even bother in getting a gun to begin with.
If somebody does happen to get a gun though, they are too scared to shoot anybody with it. If they do shoot somebody, they know they will not only be on the national news for the next two months, they will somehow get tied into the Duffy scandal and eventually have a really bad actor portray them in a feature length CBC documentary, which is just far too embarrassing!
6. People Will Actually Like You
Tired of being disliked by just about everyone in the world? Over the past few decades the United States have pissed off all 196 countries in the world, including their own. From Columbia to England to Iran to Russia, nobody really likes the United States anymore. It's kind of like being that old football star that hangs around high school who thinks he is still relevant.
Canada, on the other hand, is loved by everybody. People laugh at our silly maple syrup jokes, we play little flag games on disputed islands in the Atlantic, sometimes Russia flies their planes over the Arctic to come say hi, and occasionally we poke our cute little F-18 fighter sticks into war zones to show we are a team player. People love Canada so much that many American tourists wear Canadian clothing so they are treated better.
Don't lie about who you are; just become a Canadian! Your bacon, beer, football and hockey teams will suddenly become so much better!
7. You'll Use a Logical Form of Measurement
There's no logic when it comes to the Imperial Measurement system. Twelve inches make a foot. Three feet make a yard. One thousand seven hundred sixty yards make a mile. That's just plain madness! If I want to know how many inches it takes to make a mile, I have to whip out a scientific calculator and pray to God I got the numbers correct.
Canada uses a much more logical form of measurement. Ten millimeters make a centimeter. A hundred centimeters make a meter. A thousand meters make a kilometer. A base ten measurement is so simple that you can even do it with your fingers. It's so simple, in fact, that a Canadian child can tell you that there are a million millimeters in a kilometer, while an American adult still wouldn't be sure how many inches are in a mile.
8. You can rejoin the British Commonwealth
America had a war a little while ago where they left the British Commonwealth. It was pretty messy and a lot of people had a tough time getting used to it and since then things have been pretty rocky. If you want to go back to the glory days, you know, when America was "great", then just move up to Canada and rejoin the Commonwealth. We just had a marriage in the royal family not that long ago and have since had two cute little kids. We also have the face of our living Queen on the back of our coins, not the faces of some dead old guys like you currently do.
9. You'll Finally Have an Official Language
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to wake up every morning and not be sure what language you need to speak today. Is it French? Spanish? Mandarin? Russian? Arabic? For some incomprehensible reason, although the United States of America is 240 years old, it has never decided on an official language. It must be so frustrating going your whole life knowing that at any given time the language of your country will change and suddenly you'll have no idea what's going on. No wonder people are always so paranoid down there!
Thankfully, Canada made a decision early on to have two official languages: English and French. If you speak one of those, you'll do great up here.
10. You'll live With Santa
Santa lives in Canada, regardless of what the Finns say. He has his own address which can be mailed to any time of the year, and every Christmas he'll mail the children of Canada a letter. Being so close, Santa saves the best presents for Canadians and visits us way before he visits Americans (minus Alaska). Not only will you get to live in the Land of Christmas Magic, you'll get presents even sooner than before!
11. We Might Have a Nuclear Bomb
Sometimes people drop things by accident, and we understand that, and sometimes plane engines catch fire, and we understand that, and sometimes pilots have to jump from said burning plane and hope it crashes in the ocean, and we understand that too. But sometimes that plane recovers and crashes into the mountains and goes missing just long enough the nuclear bomb that happened to be on board to go missing too. Do we know what happened to that missing bomb? I don't know, but let's just hope things stateside don't get too messy and we don't have to find out, okay?
Pin this article to tell your friends how awesome Canada is!
And, as always, a big thank you to my sweetheart Jessica Nuttall for proof reading a countless number of my articles. I couldn't do any of this without you. I love you.
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